Everything about him screamed your future.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
