You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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