yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
