So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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