I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
