**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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