I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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