only you would photoshop your dick
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
