Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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