i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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