Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
