Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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