The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you will always have a special place in my vag
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
