I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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