Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
