Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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