Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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