he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
