can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
