Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
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Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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