That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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