Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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