wakey wakey hands off snakey
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
