I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
