there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
