my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
