I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
