I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
