i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
