the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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