I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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