i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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