Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
