If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
