update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't turn off my feet"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
