Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
