It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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