That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This baby is an asshole
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
