What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
