The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
