Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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