Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize