He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
