I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
