just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
