I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
