we're blogging at a bar
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
