id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
