im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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