Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
