Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
