i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
