soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
