When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
