If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
