Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
