Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
