does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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