apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
