Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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