is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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