i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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