I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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