All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
