her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
