His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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